6 Parenting Tips that Prevent Power Struggles

6 Parenting Tips that Prevent Power Struggles
The teen years are challenging for parents as well as for teenagers. Teenagers want their independence and parents struggle with how much independence is appropriate. How can parents prevent power struggles with their teenagers? What parenting style works best? Here are six tips that can help reduce power struggles, empower teens, and increase the peace within the home.

Our thinking as parents needs to shift from “not who’s going to win the battle but how can I help empower my teen so that they feel understood and accepted.” The teenage years are a challenging stage of development; trying to fit in with their peers, figuring out who they are, and wanting independence but knowing that this is limited.

Parenting Tip 1:

Validate Feelings- Parents can help their teens through this stage of life by validating their feelings. Teenagers need to feel understood. They don’t always want to know how to fix a problem or what they should do next but just that it’s okay to feel the way they do.

Parenting Tip 2:

Ask Questions - Parents can encourage their teen to solve their own problem or dilemma. How do parents do this? Parents need to ask their teen questions. For example: “I can see why you would be frustrated with the situation, how do you think you will handle it?” or “What are some ideas you have about talking to your boss or friend about the situation?”

The more parents listen, validate, and encourage, then the more teens will feel understood and accepted. For example: “This sounds like a difficult situation you are dealing with at work. You seem to have come up with some great ideas. I hope it turns out the way you want.”

Allow them to think through their own frustrations. This can be empowering for your teen and sends the message, “You can handle this and we are here for you.” This is a great confidence booster and will help them later in life when you are not there to think for them.

Parenting Tip 3:

Offer Encouragement- Parents can boost their teens self esteem by offering encouragement when possible. What have you seen your teen do right around the house? Point out the positive things they are doing even if it’s limited. Also, encourage them to embrace their gifts and talents. Find ways that they can use them. Teens will never get tired of hearing positive messages about themselves, especially from Mom and Dad.

Parenting Tip 4:

Choices - It’s important that parents offer their teens choices when possible. Teens want to feel included in the situation and that their opinion matters.

Parenting Tip 5:

Rules & Consequences – Parents need to have a general set of rules in the household that all teens know and follow. Teens also must be aware of the consequences that happen when they break the rules. I always encourage parents to meet with their teen ahead of time to discuss possible consequences for breaking the household rules. This can prevent many future arguments from transpiring since the teen will already know the consequences.

Parenting Tip 6:

Be Consistent- Parents need to stay committed to decisions they make and follow through with any consequences of the household.

The teenage years can be a challenging time for many parents. Follow these basic tips and keep God first in the family. There can be some great teachable moments during this period and you are the perfect teacher to assist them.

Dr. Nina

Encouraging Independence in your child

I hope everyone is enjoying this spring weather! This is the best time to get outdoors and enjoy the parks before it gets too hot!

I was reminded this morning when I opened my daughter's cupboard, the importance of encouraging independence. This can really help build their confidence and instill an "I can do it!" attitude. There are many things children can do at an early age if we give them an opportunity. This is key. Look for opportunities where your child can attempt to do something on their own, eventhough it would probably be easier for us to do it for them!

My child enrolled in Montessori before she was 2 years old. Montessori's philosophy focuses on encouraging a child's independence, giving them freedom within limits, and respecting a child's natural psychological development.

One of the things we did early on is create a cupboard just for her. She has her cups, plates, silverware, straws, etc. that she can get at any time. She loves this area and it gives her the freedom to choose also which cup, plate, bowl, etc. she wants to use.

Also, she has some bowls and plates that she and I may have painted at a pottery store. These are great keepsakes but also a reminder of the things she's done and can do too! :)

Here's a picture of what it looks like! She has picked many of the cups, plates and bowls out when we were shopping. It's not perfectly color coordinated but it's fun for her!

I encourage you to create one for your child or children if you haven't yet!

All the best to you and your family this spring!
Dr. Nina